praying long

I've been slowing reading through a book by Pastor David Hansen, called Long Wandering Prayer. In it, Hansen introduces the reader to the type of prayer that isn't relegated to a 2 (or 5, or 10) minute slot just before bed, but the type that might go on for as long as an afternoon spent fly-fishing does. Fly-fishing is Hansen's particular hobby (and I've learnt quite a bit about it in the course of reading his books) but you could substitute it with hiking, camping under the stars, and in my case, housework. The point isn't so much what you do while you pray, but the activity needs to afford the opportunity to pray leisurely and to pray long. And the point behind this point is that sometimes it's only long prayer that really 'does the job'.

If this is the case, what's the job?

I'm still grappling with this myself as I learn to pray (I find it hard - just like you?!) but as I chatted with a friend this morning over high tea, I saw how long conversations are a metaphor for long prayer.

You know how you may explore (or argue) a point with a friend or loved one? What may start out as a harmless comment or simple question turns into a long drawn-out conversation because previously unspoken assumptions come out of the woodwork and demand attention. True motives are revealed from beneath the veneers, as well as true desires and true expectations, and if they differ between the two of you, the longer (and perhaps more heated) the conversation. But eventually, if you're both committed to it, resolution is reached. Both parties understand each other and perhaps have been brought to agree with each other - though usually one side more than the other. Both know now what is expected of them, and both can walk away committed to fulfilling these expectations.

And praying long, it seems to me (especially from chapter 4: Battering the heart of God), is somewhat like this but with God.

Much of our praying I think, is asking God to please connect the dots between points A and B, and please do it soon, and thanks very much. But if God 'fails' to connect dots A and B, or not in the recommended time-frame, we can find ourselves at a loss to know what to pray next. God must be mean, we conclude, and so we give up or turn away or try harder to do good things for Him or see if we can 'have more faith'. But are these the types of responses God Himself is waiting for?

Hansen suggests that sometimes (often?) God doesn't join dots A and B at all, or in a straight line, mostly because He's not a vending machine in the sky, and particularly because His loving desires for us are probably a lot more intricate (and Good) than getting that straight line straight and soon. And sometimes the only way to lift our gaze higher than our navels, is to not join the dots - and to force us to prayer again. and again. and again.

And this is not just to keep repeating the dot-joining request (though sometimes it might be), but to hone our prayer - to learn by sheer, repetitive, dogged self-application and time with Him, what it is that the Other Party in this conversation is thinking, expecting, and wanting of us - rather than simply what we want of Him.

For instance, what if God doesn't merely want to heal my sickness, but heal my character? Chances are the latter takes longer than the former - because it requires my awareness of it through His conviction, my repentance, submission to His Spirit, humility... He could just heal me, but then I would continue in prideful self-dependence - which is idolatry - but He is much more loving than that! So He delays from making me better, so that through struggling in prayer I might have the chance to become holy instead - and then in His grace He may heal me as well.

Now as for the conversing with God, I can't say that I hear His voice correcting my assumptions and expectations of Him. But on reflection, I can say I know when I'm getting it wrong, and the more I know of Him through His word, the easier it is to know when I'm wrong. And as Hansen says, each time you know your prayer isn't sitting right, you tweak it, and you keep tweaking it, until finally Jesus has 'badgered you into His sovereign space' and you are praying what He wants you to pray and what He delights to answer.

A stubborn opponent forces us to think. Required by her circumstances to defend herself with words, the woman in Jesus' parable [about the persistent widow; Luke 18] presented the unjust judge with many arguments. We may surmise that the longer he resisted, the sharper her arguments became. Good prayer forces us to do the same. Thus importunate prayer is theological prayer, not for show or bribe but for the matters of life and death. (Hansen, pg 87)

I've been struggling with some stuff recently that has needed more than the 2 minute (or 20 second) prayers I so lazily give. Hansen's chapter 4 has helped me see clearly that big issues demand big conversations, and proportional to the extent that God is right in His thoughts and I am often wrong. I'm struggling to struggle in prayer, to pray long and battle with my wrong thoughts with God until His truth intrudes and wins out. It's been hard but I can truly say I'm thankful for the other side. I have no pithy conclusions but to say I hope you can join (and encourage!) me on this journey (if you're not already on it) - until the day we see Him and all things clearly, always rightly thinking His thoughts after Him, and not even needing to pray, because then we will be face to face.


ps. This set of thoughts began around here, and I think today's thoughts don't disagree but rather elaborate on what it might mean to 'struggle hard with the possibly prayers'...